Not Enjoying Motherhood? Tips To Encourage & Uplift

Yet another day passes, and post after post is shared about how great their day has been and how much fun they’ve had together.

And you’ve had yet another bad day.

The smiles, laughs, and clean-looking angelic kids smiling at the camera kick you in your stomach. Yet you continue to scroll.

For the first time today, you’re flaked on the sofa, exhausted from all the tears, tantrums, and screams after the millionth-floor sweeping and dishwashing episode.

Motherhood.

Let’s be honest: It’s not like what you see on the gram. (You know that, yet it still gets to you.)

And so, if you’re not enjoying motherhood as much as you’d like, this post should offer you respite. Moms to littles, in particular, this is written with you in mind.

Not Enjoying Motherhood

First, you must ask yourself why you’re not enjoying motherhood. What’s happening?

Be straight with yourself and what’s going on.

• Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?
• Are you getting sucked into the “Make the most of it, the years are short” talk?
• Are you having several hard days in a row with your partner working all hours, and you’re alone with no one to talk to?

The good news is you can help yourself.

At the end of the day (truth bomb), nothing will change unless you change it. Take action! But first, read on.

Get Clarity

You must delve deep and ask what’s bugging you about your life.

• Is it the kids?
• Your appearance?
• The news?
• Lack of free time?
• Your husband/partner?
• Social media?
• Don’t get me wrong, it won’t immediately get you to that ‘happy family’ stage.

But whatever it is, get clear on it and then make firm plans to change it. Tiny steps.

Changing what’s going on may involve asking for help, getting a babysitter, taking an early morning walk or run, and having a night or two off where the partner takes over as some examples.

Good times are allowed, you know! Not just allowed – they’re a necessity!

You must decide what you need and then plan for it.

This is a key moment of Motherhood when you finally stop acting like a victim and take ownership of yourself and your family.

Positive things come from positive choices.

Striving to meet your needs is a necessity, lovely. Every human has needs that must be met, Moms most of all!

Good things come from asking for what you need.

Perhaps it’s something so trivial and easy that you feel embarrassed to ask? Say it’s a half-hour of quiet time? Or a Saturday morning shopping trip?

You may not even know what your needs are at this point, which is why I’m a huge advocate of journaling—it will help you establish your needs and clear your head.

Also, consider reading some encouraging poems to lift your mood in the moment.

Believe me, things are always worse in your mind (says me, who recovered from post-partum anxiety a few years back.)

Comparison

Comparing yourself to others is another big contributor to not enjoying motherhood.

You may be looking at others (real life or online) and think they have it better. And you want the same? Or their clean house is that much cleaner than yours?

Seriously, remove the comparisons you’re making. It always ends in tears.

It’s great if you’re inspired by other mums and want to improve things for yourself and your family by implementing good bits that others are doing.

But if you’re dwelling and wishing, hoping, but not taking action to change your feelings, how on earth will you ever get there?

Any form of comparison leads to feelings of inadequacy.

You are the perfect mum for your kids, and that’s all there is to it. There’s no need to compare yourself. You have children, and you’re doing the best you can.

This is your life and your chance to make the most of it, so don’t let the actions of others dictate how you should feel or what you should do.

Focusing on the wrong

Where’s your mind when you’re in Mom mode?

Likely, it’s on the state of your home or the fact that the kids have destroyed yet another item in the bathroom. Focusing on the wrong stuff is another reason you may not enjoy motherhood.

Ask yourself when the frustration builds up: “Will this matter in five years?”

Because honestly, in five years, when your little one is in school, you’ll miss the chance for a cuddle on the sofa and a snuggle in bed.

Or a lazy Monday where you really don’t have to go anywhere except to the train track your toddler pulls you to play with.

The softness of their hair, the looks they only give you, the feeding and the bath times. The chaos and the giggles. All of it.

These are moments to be cherished, so try to focus on enjoying the wonderful moments (rather than fixating on the bad ones) and make the most of them while you can.

This is your motherhood journey to enjoy your way.

Unrealistic expectations

Another reason women don’t enjoy motherhood is having outrageous expectations. Expectations lead to disappointment because they put pressure on ‘something’ outside of themselves to perform.

And we can’t control anyone or anything else but ourselves!

Maybe you’re expecting too much of yourself even? Or your kids? Or your partner? Trying to be the best, world-class mother rather than a real mother?

Motherhood can become an eternal treadmill of trying so hard to please everyone but neglecting yourself.

It’s tough to find the right balance between being a mum, being a wife or partner, keeping the house in order, and having a job and a social life. Yet expectations will make this even harder.

Expectations can come from expecting certain ‘milestones’ in your kids or from dreaming about what motherhood would be like when it’s the opposite.

But when you remove any and all expectations, you take tremendous pressure off yourself and your little people.

You start seeing them as real little humans, just seeking love, comfort, and guidance (much like you are!)

Try to tune into what’s happening with your feelings and ask yourself whether your expectations are too high.

If you can tweak some of those, it’ll remove the pressure and allow you to relax, bringing the joy back to being a mum.

Not living in the moment

Perhaps your mind is often elsewhere, in the past or future? This is super common, and many people struggle to maintain a present perspective.

This is where mindfulness can be amazing.

Practicing present-moment awareness is key to developing emotional control.

This is where a mindfulness practice can be life-changing: ground yourself in the moment you’re in.

Mindfulness is a practice because we choose to do it. And the more you practice it, the easier it gets. A journaling practice is a great way to get mindful – check out my e-book on the topic (see recommended reads below)

If you decide to try mindfulness, try not to take on too much at once. The early days can be tricky, as you lose motivation and give up too easily, expecting too much at once (back to those expectations).

When you begin a mindfulness practice, small steps and daily micro-commitments are needed. Two minutes here and there can make a world of difference.

Another way to get presents is to have a change of scenery. Taking the kids out for an afternoon walk to somewhere new or experiencing a new coffee shop can really get you feeling present and content.

Negative Self Talk

Talking down to yourself and making yourself feel bad almost certainly ends in a miserable motherhood experience.

When you’re on your own with screaming kids all day, every day, it can be a lot to handle emotionally.

You need to strengthen your inner ‘good voice’ and boot out the bad one.

Saying affirmations out loud and giving yourself a compliment can help. Try it when you brush your teeth. It doesn’t take much time—just a quick wink in the mirror!

In truth, the more often you talk kindly to yourself, telling yourself you’re doing amazingly well (cos’ you are) the more you’ll start to believe it.

So buff up that good voice as often as you can.

A wonderful motherhood

There is such a thing! Don’t roll your eyes just yet.

Motherhood can be the most amazing, heartwarming experience if you apply any or all of these suggestions in this post.

It’s meant to be the best time of your life, where you’re at your best with gorgeous little ones running around you.

Modern media tends to focus on either the negatives of motherhood or the super duper highs, whether it’s moaning about sleepless nights and challenging moments or baby snuggles and cute booties.

But in reality, you can create your version of a happy moment and have a wonderful time every day with your children.

Spending quality time together as a family and not buying into the negative things you hear.

Leaving behind the hectic life to actualize those family values you want to see in action. This is your family life to create; you are the head of your household! This is your season of motherhood, and it’s up to you to step up and make the most of it.

Practicing daily gratitude is key to enjoying motherhood, making positive moments stand out.

Now mama, enough from me. Go now, and take a deep breath. Appreciate any little moments with your kids today, and rediscover the joy of motherhood today.

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