There’s a feeling of freedom when you finally stop allowing the opinions of others to influence your parenting methods.
Whether you made the right or wrong decision is irrelevant in whatever situation you’re in (insert current life challenge here).
What matters is how the opinions of others sway you and the decision-making process you go through.
When I say sway you, I actually mean completely derail you! Making your mind go into overdrive. It’s enough to make you insane.
People are usually far too quick to offer unwanted advice – rather than simply listening and being a calming presence for you in that time of need.
Confusion is a choice
The fact is that your own decisions are simply that. They are decisions you make, often quite difficult decisions when you’ve got kids in the mix.
Decisions are hard enough without kids (right?!), and bad decisions do happen, usually causing a great deal of anxiety in the process.
How do you know you’ve even made a good choice?
What even is a clear path in the context of parenthood?
And the scale of responsibility is crushing, I know… yet you know what’s worse than making the wrong choice?
What’s worse is sitting on the fence and having an unmade decision weigh over you like a ton of bricks.
I recall sitting in my living room 2 years ago, our health visitor weighing our beautiful baby boy (number 2).
She was talking to me mid-measuring, asking if I was happy. “I am, yes for sure!” I said enthusiastically.
Her face searched mine for a trace of doubt in my words. “Are you certain?” she said. “Call me if you need to anytime, OK?”
I was grateful for the kind words, but I doubted them too. Why on earth did she need to probe? Did I not look happy?
I began to doubt myself then too. Am I not happy? Was I not appearing grateful?
The mind often does this – it plays these tricks on us.
Going around in circles, telling stories, ruminating, and generally beating ourselves up making us feel like sorry for ourselves.
The real thing
Google exhausts the living daylights out of me. When it comes to parenting advice, I sometimes read it (like we all do), but I generally don’t apply it unless I absolutely 100% trust it.
I started listening to my heart from about day 475. For I know in truth that no one knows my children like I do despite my super overthinking brain telling me otherwise.
It’s why I choose to co-sleep with my babies. It’s why I choose to breastfeed past the 1-year mark (for as long as my baby wants it).
It’s why I let my children run in the wet grass with bare feet because I don’t buy into that “They’ll catch a cold!”
In fact, only today in this gorgeous winter snow we have, I didn’t stop our youngest (now a near 2-year-old) from peeling off his socks.
Bad mother? Throw the labels at me; I genuinely couldn’t give a sh*t, I’ve heard them all!
When you choose to listen to your own self instead of the ‘Google head’ (or whatever other opinion comes your way), you empower yourself.
And an empowered mother is a mother who initiates change.
Who takes control and does things her way – the way she knows are right for her family.
She’s not a pushover. She doesn’t wait for things to happen. She makes them happen.
When you feel empowered, you feel on top form. And you’re a better mother – period.
Your kids will also notice the shift in you; their behaviour will reflect your newfound heart-led self.
You telling yourself you’re confused will never get you anywhere (here comes the pep talk!).
You have a choice here. Whether to be confused or not. It is that simple. The mind makes it difficult.
To de-confuse yourself, simply ask yourself this question:
“What would the best version of me do in this situation?”
And then answer truthfully.
Pull yourself away from your automatic thinking which has held you back for so long.
Grab a notepad and write down your answer.
(Writing is one of the proven ways to escape your mind and get intentional).
As I said, being confused doesn’t serve you. Step out of it today and get into power mode!
Found this post helpful? Pop a comment below and let me know. I love to hear from you!
Journaling is a great way to de-confuse yourself. Laying out all options and then simply picking one! There is no right decision in that sense. There is only ever the decision that you make. Period.
To learn more about journaling, you need to experience it for yourself.
My book on the topic will get you there. Grab a copy below.