This is a toughie. Writing about mums who’re worried about their kids. Aren’t we all?
I’m certainly no parent guru (my eldest is two) and even if they were adults already, I’d still not claim to be a guru.
FYI on this. There’s NO SUCH THING as a parenting guru!
I don’t even think that child psychologists claim to be parent guru’s.
But I know the worries are there.
And I know a mum wants what’s best for her child.
And I’m a coach for mums who worry too much, to the extent that it becomes anxiety, so that’s my reason for writing today.
Let’s face facts. The thoughts come in right? And we react to them. We ask ourselves things like
Are they OK?
Will they be OK?
Am I messing them up?
Am I a good mum?
Have I damaged my child?
Do they love me?
Do they hate me?
Do I love him more than her?
How can I help my child?
What’s best for him?
Can I be a worse mum?
Can I be a better mum?
The worries are continuous and the thing is, mums are notorious for bottling stuff up and dealing with it silently. We’d hate for anyone to ask how we are for fear we’ll burst into tears.
And this is where society is failing us. Ladies, number one thing to grasp here.
We need support. We need encouragement. We need to be told that we’re doing OK.
We need friends with kids who are the same or similar age.
By nature we’re still biologically in our ancestors’ day.
Women would sit round the fire and talk with babies glued to their chests. The grandmothers would give them tips and advice.
That’s how it went! Not saying that the advice was always good, but at least the mums felt like they were part of something else. Something bigger. Something supportive.
That longing you have to be a part of something. It’s in you biologically.
The kids old enough to move would be running around and laughing with their buddies.
This is how nature wants us to be. In a community. We survive better when we’re together.
Yet modern motherhood isn’t this.
Most mums, particularly since Covid, are sat at home alone, dealing with tantrums, spilt milk, poopy nappies, tears, fears, emails, deadlines and worries with only the NHS 111 number to call if something goes wrong.
Some mums are lucky to have their mums in the picture, but many don’t have this luxury.
So what I’m saying is, if the worries are draining you, this is my best guess at why. It’s not you! It’s the lack of support and hugs for you, from others.
Secondly, how to deal with the fear of the unknown future?
Acceptance. It’s a really tough cookie to swallow (more like a stale shortbread)
We have to learn the powerful art of accepting.
We can’t know how our kids will turn out. It’s impossible.
We can’t know what’s going to happen.
When you realise this and accept it (which means to gently acknowledge it with a deep breath and strong amount of courage) you’re on the path to freedom.
We can’t even control our children! Much as we’d like to, we can’t. They’re individual’s, as we are, and we can never control anyone but ourselves.
Most of my healing from post natal anxiety revolved around the art of acceptance. Accepting that the present is all I have.
The past is done and the future is unknown to a certain extent. And with acceptance lies the key to living intentionally, and living in your own light.
Finding your voice as it were. You begin to shed all the layers of fear and doubt and worry about ‘what if’ and instead, focus on making this moment the only moment you have. Focus on making it the very best.
There’s ton’s of books on the art of acceptance. I really recommend looking into it if you’re struggling with worries about your children, or worrying about anything really.
Remember I also have a 10 week programme for motherhood anxiety sufferers which changes the habit of being anxious to a habit of being calm and in control. Acceptance is also covered in the programme.
Sending a hug as always.