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It’s no wonder moms are burning out more than ever.
Overwhelmed with so-called parenting goals and objectives, strategies, systems, parenting styles, fashions, opinions, too much information, and scaremongering.
And let’s not forget the utter fear that we’re going to fuck up our kids if we’re not doing things ‘perfectly’ right.
Yet the irony is if we let all that go… Let go of all the pressure and fear… Let go of the parenting styles and fashions…
We would be far better mothers.
We could allow ourselves to relax and enjoy being this – their mother! We should see parenting as fun and lighthearted – to tone down the seriousness.
If we could add more play, our kids would be delighted. That’s why I’m writing this today. To impart some comforting and constructive words if the societal pressure strikes you hard (and you believe the bullshit.)
Parenting Goals and Objectives
First off – I am the biggest hypocrite. Let me lay it all down on the table!
I used to be very goal-oriented, especially when I was a new mom just five short years ago.
But since suffering badly from burnout a few years back following the birth of our second baby, I accept that I’ll NEVER achieve the goals I’d set for myself no matter how hard I worked.
So, I shifted my stance. To recover from burnout, I stopped everything.
Under my husband’s orders, we left for a week’s break in Wales, and I just stopped.
I canceled my clients. Ended my well-being coaching career. Stopped marketing. Shut down social media.
I gave up on my endless chores – cleaning, washing, and tidying constantly. I stopped ringing people, too, and became a hermit for a few months until my head returned.
Eventually, I shredded the ‘good girl’ exterior I’d lived my entire life because I discovered how much better life was without it.
Ditched working full-time while mothering full-time (it’s impossible, so don’t try it).
I held my hands high and said, “I’ve had enough:” And therein lies my salvation. Or, to be less biblical, I got my life back on track.
Long-Term Parenting Goals
In a nutshell, I shifted my focus from short-term, instant results that held me back to looking long-term at what I wanted from my life.
I damn well knew what I wanted when I was asked this question:
‘Could I attempt to visualize what I’d be thinking about when on my deathbed in those last final moments?’
Ouch. Deep, huh?
But powerful.
I wanted to remember and recall a rich, honest, deep relationship with my closest family – my husband and children.
I wanted to be alive daily, seeing reality for what it is.
Not in some cloudland where my thoughts take over my life. I didn’t necessarily need to be happy every day. But just to be here, now, being present. That is what I want.
And I know my 97-year-old self reminds me of this when I get frustrated at my little boy taking forever to put his shoes on!
Better Parents
Some of the things I did to shift my focus included reconnecting with family members I’d lost contact with, which had left me heartbroken.
I also researched what makes for a healthy relationship with my children. Science wise.
How can I step up and be better to my kids when they need me in times of meltdowns and crisis?
I looked into child psychology and began understanding the fragile but ultra clever minds of very young children.
I started listening to a more positive role model and spending quality time reading their books rather than scrolling.
Also stopped watching the news – not that I don’t follow it, but I didn’t need to watch it so religiously.
Then I prioritized taking care of myself more and forgiving myself if something wrong happened or if I didn’t end up putting the laundry away for a week.
Have you ever asked yourself what you want long-term in life?
Or who do you want your children to see you as?
These are two powerful questions to ask yourself if stress feelings overcome you, or exhaustion, or any other modern-day ‘fast life’ ailment.
Hidden Goals
First off, we’re ditching goals here in this post. Goals as parents are out the door! Instead, let’s invite our own version of ourselves and our life in our own words.
Not based on what’s happening on social media or what our mummy/daddy friends are doing.
It’s our own (as in your own) creation for you to design however you want. Here’s an idea I wish to share that may help.
It’s particularly good if you’re feeling stuck, lost, or anxious about raising kids and navigating life (aren’t we all?)
It’s a visualization exercise I often do to get into a better frame of mind. All you do is close your eyes, find a peaceful moment, and visualize the future version of yourself in the best way possible.
Think about:
- What do you want to do in 5 years, and who with?
- What are your children saying about you at that time?
- How are you dressed, and what state of health is your body in?
- Where are you living, and in what environment?
- What activities are you doing or working on?
Spend a few moments getting clear on your future self, which will help you in the now.
It’ll give you a different picture of your circumstances, putting you into power and ownership over your life.
Parent-Child Relationships
The most important aspect of parenting is your relationship with your child.
The best parents I know take a light-hearted, down-to-earth approach, making parenting fun yet still sticking to boundaries when necessary.
(As a new mom, it can be hard to know if what you’re doing is right. If this is you – read this new mom survival kit post.)
One shift for me is when I find myself getting frustrated. Being home alone all day looking after two little ones can take its toll. I always ask myself, ‘What would better parents do right now?’
And I found the answer to be… They take time out.
Just a 5-second escape from the chaos can give your mind that time to halt the trigger, calm your nervous system, and get you back into a more controlled state of mind.
Also, asking your child how they feel is a great idea. I’m always reflecting, asking myself, ‘What did they just hear? How did I make them feel?’
This helps me be a better mom to my kids, hands down.
Healthy Habits
My worries, which keep me awake at night, do not revolve around my kids, funnily enough.
I worry about you! Their mother. These are my thoughts about modern motherhood.
- The health of the mother. How she’s feeling right now affects her sanity, happiness, physical body, and health, and who knows how this may affect her in the future.
- The mother’s memories of this precious time of life with her children are 50-60 years from now.
- The children. What will they remember from their mum feeling this way? And how’s it impacting them?
If you want to do some goal setting in any area of life, make it your OWN health and wellbeing.
Take the focus off your kids and redirect it to yourself. Believe me, your kids (and you) will reap the rewards.
Positive relationships flourish when individuals themselves are healthy. Mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
We all hear about a balanced diet too, but are you really eating right? If not, it’s no wonder you’re low on energy. It’s only you who can do the things to make the good things happen.
Here are some journal prompts that might help you start ditching those parenting goals and objectives and instead liberating yourself (and enjoying the freedom that comes with it!)
- How do I want my children to think of me?
- What do I want my children to remember?
- Where do I want to be in 5 years’ time?
- What do I want my life to look like in the next 10, 20, 30 years?
Summary
I hope this post inspires you to ditch your parenting objectives and focus more on real life! Quite a statement I know.
I’d love to hear from you and what your thoughts are on the topic of parenting goals and objectives, too. Please drop any thoughts below in the comments section.
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