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Now, the fact that I’m not a neuroscientist may shoot me in the foot with this one.
But I will do my very best to give you my life experience and know-how to help answer the question of “how to stop worrying about things you can’t control.”
How to stop worrying about things you can’t control
Surely, we all want to stop worrying so much and get into the present moment?
If so, let’s start with the basics: those constant worrying thoughts we have pretty much daily. The worst-case scenarios play out so vividly while going about daily life, don’t they?
I know this all too well.
But let me reassure you that you’re entirely normal to have those thoughts. I’m here to help you control them so they don’t impact your life so much.
Worry habit
The brutal truth is that everyone is prone to negative thoughts because it’s human nature to worry.
Worrying thoughts are part of having the biological instinct to survive. Blame evolution!
Saying that – constantly worrying, anxious thoughts, or panic attacks are not something you need to suffer with. These tend to form habits and become habitual in how they occur, often happening without any rhyme or reason.
But the good news is this! There are answers out there to solve these struggles, believe me!
First step
OK, so I’ve discovered through repeated practice that the frequency of worrying thoughts can be reduced significantly. What do I mean?
Let me show you how directly in this post! It’s not a simple one-step answer, and it will take some trial and error on your part.
Mindfulness
When I was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety after the birth of my first child several years ago, I knew I had to get a grip on it quickly before it got worse.
The physical symptoms for me were hard to overcome, yet I forced myself to carry on as if everything was normal. And that was the hardest thing, truly.
At the time, it felt like my whole life was an act. I also found it almost impossible to stop the worrying thoughts, so I went on and researched how to make those horrid thoughts less gripping.
Perhaps I could figure out how to reduce the sensations in my body, at least. Or the emotions connected to the thoughts?
And this is where I really got into my mindfulness practice.
Mindfulness means simply sitting with what is, observing thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Being with those feelings and thoughts instead of judging or pushing them away.
The day I decided to accept that I’ll have worrying thoughts from time to time was when the ball started rolling for me on my healing journey.
I learned that I’m only one in however many billion human beings going through the same thing, which gave me comfort.
Mental strength
I no longer try to force myself not to feel negative feelings. I believe thoughts are the brain’s way of navigating life’s sheer complexities, and some of those thoughts won’t be what we want!
Yet, with mindfulness, I practice not paying judgment to my thoughts and not making them mean anything. They are simply thoughts. They aren’t my real life.
So, to try and explain how it feels nowadays. I still have worrying thoughts. I allow them in, observe them, and they soon disappear. That’s all!
I accept that worrying thoughts will come, but I don’t need to listen or react to them.
I don’t need to attach to them.
They are simply thoughts. I pause, take a deep breath or two, and allow the thoughts in, then let them go, and if they don’t go straight away, I ignore them.
I’ve been practicing this approach for years, and the frequency of worrying thoughts has dramatically reduced.
I believe the more we try to force worrying thoughts away or ignore them and try to battle through, the unhappier we’ll become.
We’ve all heard the analogy, “What you resist, persists…”
This is the case when trying to push away worrying thoughts or act like everything is normal while your mind is in chaos.
Relaxation Techniques
Why not try mindfulness for a moment right now while reading this post? For the record, I have a diploma in Mindfulness Practice and love sharing my knowledge on the topic. For me it’s the best thing for tough times.
For now, sit for a few minutes in a quiet space if you can ( I know, kids might prevent this. If so, do it later when they sleep.)
Take some nice, deep, slower breaths and bring your shoulders down. Allow your thoughts to come in, and acknowledge them rather than fixating on them.
Undoubtedly, you may be experiencing worrisome thoughts, and that’s absolutely normal.
What we’re doing here is allowing a small snippet of worry time before moving on.
Listen to your thoughts. That’s all you need to do. You’ll shortly become the observer, not the one reacting the thoughts.
Do this for around 20 seconds right now. You can do this!
Just notice what thoughts you have, and that’s it. They’ll float out as quickly as they floated in.
Let me know how you get on with this exercise and whether you can observe your thoughts without judging them or making them mean anything.
You can handle anything life throws at you, believe me!
Everyday Life
As a mom, your quality of life will drastically improve if you get control over patterns of negative thinking. I’m not one for false positive thinking, to clarify. Instead, I’m all about allowing what is to be there and then letting it go.
That’s the essence of mindfulness!
It’s simply being with what is happening in any given situation. Even if it’s difficult, you can still be mindful of it.
Mindfulness is a sharp focus on the now; by that, I mean you put all your attention on the experience you’re having. It might contradict what we’ve been taught, but emotions such as anger, fear, stress, exhaustion, and other feelings are a normal part of life (much as we wish otherwise.)
Things like breathing techniques, washing the dishes, playing with your children, working at your desk, and experiencing physical health and physical sensations are opportunities to practice mindfulness.
Through practicing mindfulness daily, I’ve found a real sense of peace and calm as my default mood despite the challenges of modern times. It’s a permanent positive change when the level of control may otherwise spiral.
Mindfulness has made me more present and less reactive to my little children.
I love it so much for that fact! I still feel the muscle tension and my stress levels rise, and I know that I probably will always feel that ad hoc in my life. But I now know I have control over how I react in most situations.
Chances of success
The idea of mindfulness and taking little moments in your day to be mindful is to keep practicing. I suggest two to three mindful moments daily, particularly if you suffer from stressful situations, say at work or home.
The good news is that mindfulness gets easier the more you encourage yourself with it by seeing the possible outcomes of doing it.
What I mean is, how different you WILL feel because you practice it. That’s where the magic happens!
Deep breathing activities
Resources for you
I share several deep breathing activities in one of my ebooks, The Happy Days Guide For Moms.
There are also some deep breathing exercises you may find helpful in this post titled Mindfulness Exercises for Busy Moms.
Helpful ways
Have you tried Mindfulness yet? Or would you like to and need more tips? Write me a comment below; I love hearing from you and am here to help.
I’m always on the lookout for new ways to help you! (And help myself in the process!)
By the way, I have a whole section on encouragement for moms which you can read at your leisure.
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