Ah the C word. (No, not that word.)
Confidence. I’m talkin’ confidence!
Whenever I get asked about being more confident, or developing self confidence, I explain that confidence depends on the situation you’re in.
It’s flattering to be asked this question on the whole, but I’m certainly not confident in everything, such as flying a plane (obvs) or operating on a cow, because I’m not a) a pilot or b) A vet.
Interestingly though, I’ve had several inquiries over the past few months on how to simply be more confident in life. So I thought I’d write a post on it. And I’ll keep it super straightforward so that this post actually helps those who read it, rather than just being pointless blurb.
So here goes.
Confidence tip 1: Confidence = Competence.
I got this confidence = competence thing from the amazing Mel Robbins and spent a whole month coaching on the topic of confidence in my Wellness Club.
In a nutshell, you can’t really be confident at something unless you’re competent in it. Now you’re probably asking “How can I be competent in life?” And it’s a valid question. For me it comes down to whether I trust myself or not.
I *mostly* trust my judgement, my instinct and my gut. And I trust my body. I trust that if I look after myself, with proper nutrition, exercise and relaxation, then that’ll pay off in future, and so far so good.
I also trust other people on the whole. Now here’s the interesting thing. If you find it hard to trust others you’ll likely find it hard to trust yourself. It’s just how it goes.
Now to clarify, building up trust in yourself and in others happens over time. It doesn’t happen automatically, so it’s worth working on it if you want to be more confident in life. The thing is, confidence comes into everything, particularly around decision making, and having a clear head for going after what you want.
To start trusting yourself more, challenge yourself to make some decisions. Or even better, choose something! Or even even better, commit to something! Do any of the these things just because you can, and the more you do this, the more confident you’ll become.
Regarding the competence thing, it makes sense that the more you practise, the more confident you’ll become, so that’s what that’s all about.
I’m confident talking about the topic of wellbeing because I’ve talked about it for such a long time now. I’m confident in talking toddlers and young children, because I’ve got them.
So that’s what I mean about confidence = competence. It’s all down to what you’re skilled at, and none of us are skilled in anything until we learn it or get experience with it. So get practising!
Confidence tip 2: Push outside the zone of normalness.
If you’re in the self development scene you’ll know all about the comfort zone, but for the rest of us, simply escaping the routine norm will improve your confidence. Challenge yourself to walk a slightly different route today, or visit a different shop for a new experience. Even smile at a stranger, and if you don’t get a smile back, their loss! Shrug it off and know that you’ve been a good person there.
I know it can seem impossible right now to get outside the zone of normalness with Covid (ugh), but you just need to be more creative.
Can you call someone you’ve not spoken to for a while?
Can you cook a new meal you’ve never made before?
Can you do something romantic for your partner, like pop a little love note in their sandwiches?
The answers are YES! And as a result, your confidence levels will blossom.
Confidence tip 3: Visualise being confident.
Visualise yourself stepping out of not being confident and into being confident. You could imagine confidence as a new outfit to try on as an example. Simply try imagining it. Take off that low confidence outfit and try on the confidence outfit! How would it feel? What would you do if you were more confident? What would you look like and act like?
So often we run automatically, based on decades of repeated behaviour, so by visualising something different, we initiate a spark which could be the change we’re looking for. Have fun with this visualisation, and feel free to get in touch with me if you need some guidance.
So in summary:
- Confidence = competence.
- Push outside the zone of normalness.
- Visualise being confident.
Here’s to more confidence!